FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon

New Website

2009-01-14T11:36:00.001-08:00

The Fountain Valley Triathlon website is now at:

www.fvtriathlon.com

Saturday Surf

2008-09-14T16:44:00.001-07:00

Saturday Surf

2008-08-31T21:24:00.000-07:00

August 30, 2008

FV3 Triathlon Sponsors

2008-08-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Below are 2 great websites who will contribute to next years FV3 Triathlon for every purchase made by clicking into their websites from here!!

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Free shipping available!

2008 Triathlon Times

2008-05-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Below are the 2008 Triathlon Times. Blue times are last year's results (the swim was 6 lengths shorter and the run was about a mile shorter).

1. Craig Orgill (1:07:02) *
2. Bob Johns (1:13:03) (1:10:39)
3. Ritchie Blake (1:13:47) (1:25:28)
4. Kaz Augustus (1:14:24) (1:12:08)
5. Brad Ward (1:14:27) *
6. Jim Rose (1:17:23)
7. Beau Mccraney (1:20:47) (1:10:39)
8. Morgan Cubete (1:21:53) *
9. Bishop Johnson (1:23:33) (1:18:44)
10. Jared Baker (1:24:11)
11. Team Lost (1:24:23)
12. Mindy Stewart (1:24:30) *
13. Lynn Orgill (1:25:04)
14. Brett Greathouse (1:26:02) (1:26:08)
15. Amber Pitt (1:26:10) (1:55:22)
16. Fernando Costa (1:26:11)
17. Michael Richardson (1:26:49) (2:00:12)
18. Andrew Richardson (1:26:49) (1:21:47)
19. Brett Stewart (1:26:36)
20. Shandra Blake (1:27:20) (1:34:37)
21. Erin Hudson (1:28:36)
22. Amber Baltzer (1:29:38)
23. Eric Lawrence (1:30:15)
24. Tad Baltzer (1:32:55)
25. Paul Hafen (1:33:27) (1:35:58)
26. Jeff Timmrerman (1:34:02)
27. Ashton Harward (1:34:55)
28. Aaron Quist (1:36:12) (1:34:56)
29. Chase Edwards (1:36:49) *
30. Julie Merrill (1:36:51)
31. Jeff Bradshaw (1:37:12)
32. Jillyn Huffmire (1:37:34) (1:38:59)
33. Marilee Ziebarth (1:38:41) *
34. Corey Farr (1:39:00)
35. Summer Orgill (1:39:18)
36. Tori Shintaku (1:39:43)
37. Erin Kendrick (1:40:19)
38. Gabby Johnson (1:41:42)
39. Leanne King (1:42:58)
40. Randy Kendrick (1:43:13)
41. Rebecca Quist (1:44:25)
42. Gina Orgill (1:44:57)
43. Sharie Mccraney (1:45:47) (1:59:22)
44. Ken Farr (1:46:43)
45. Heidi Peters (1:48:02)
46. John Peters (1:48:06)
47. Allyson Johns (1:49:46)
48. Amber Sim (1:51:11)
49. Sarah Johns (1:52:39)
50. Ashley Augustus (1:52:42)
51. Simone Costa (1:53:05)
52. Jd Macwille (1:53:32)
53. Joseph Favreau (1:53:38)
54. Ryan Peffers (1:53:44)
55. Elizabeth Miller (1:54:15) (1:38:00)
56. Logan Hafen (1:54:49)
57. Maddy Johnson (1:55:32)
58. Curt Huffmire (1:56:00) (1:44:04)
59. Jeff Farr (1:56:41) (1:22:42)
60. Emilie Hafen (2:02:06)
61. Hanna Shipway (2:03:07)
62. Amanda Bell (2:03:19)
63. Doug Shipway (2:04:00)
64. Tyler Bell (2:04:02)
65. Dean Michael (2:04:37)
66. Team Augustus (2:07:15)
67. Cassie Harward (2:07:27) (1:56:20)
68. Melissa Richardson (2:14:00)
69. Team Bell (2:14:00)
70. Bill Wettengel (2:15:03)
71. Bruce Richardson (2:16:22) (2:00:11)
72. Gary Christensen (2:20:50)
73. Adam Bunker (2:22:33)
74. Kristin Bunker (2:22:35)
75. Erica Wilker (2:28:07) (1:59:28)
76. Carl Wilker (2:28:08)
77. Rebecca Richardson (2:30:13)
78. Ginny Richardson (2:33:08)
79. John Ziebarth (2:33:08)
80. Georgia Sabovich (2:44:05)
81. Allyson Huffmire (2:49:10)
82. Katelyn Huffmire (3:17:08)
83. Kellian Farr (3:17:08)

* Heat Winners

Alarming Training Regimes Exposed

2008-05-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

It has come to our attention that some competitors are not adequately training for the FV3 Annual Triathlon. One such "athlete" is Curtis Huffmire, who began training twelve hours ago for Monday's event. Members of the FV3 Triathlon Health & Safety Squad (FV3TH&SS) met with Curtis Huffmire and were strongly refuted with the following "evidence".

Curtis, a lawyer by trade, produced a photograph of himself at 5 1/2 months of age in a swimming pool with his father (inset right). He claimed this clearly proves that all of the swim training he's ever needed, he obtained in his infancy. Most of the squad members were too shocked by the risque nature of the photograph to put up much of an argument. Although several of our female members found time to note that Curt's father certainly was a "handsome devil".

We were then shown a second photo of Curtis Huffmire as a paper boy for the Register (inset left). Again, Curt's claim is that all of the cycling experience he would ever require was obtained by the time he was a youth. He did not, however, have an explanation for the haircut, or the tight, tight jeans.

Curt then made his closing arguments with the aid of two photographs of himself as a High School athlete (inset below, left and right), claiming that all of the cardiovascular training required for running a 5K, he had obtained by the time he graduated. Some members of the Safety Squad questioned the validity of the Football picture, since the helmet obscures the face, and therefore the true identity of the athlete. But the "Eye of the Tiger" that is clearly evident in Curt's expression in the second photo, along with the fact that he can palm a volleyball, proved very persuasive. As one squad member noted, "It looks like he just ate me for lunch. And he liked it."

Curtis Huffmire then showed us the following picture of himself holding a ski (inset below right). We're still not exactley sure why...

In conclusion, we have determined that although we find Curtis Huffmire's Training Philosophies questionable at best, and "fool-hearty" at worst, he has done nothing to violate the Health & Safety Standards of the FV3 Triathlon Health & Safety Squad, and will be allowed to compete on T-day. It should be duly noted, however, that if Curtis Huffmire attempts to swim in the same "attire" he wore as an infant, he will be immediately disqualified and hastily escorted from the pool area.

To Curtis Huffmire, and all who adopt similar training strategies, good luck...you'll need it.

2008 Swim Heats

2008-05-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Below are the final heat assignments for the swim. We are borrowing a community pool for the swim so please arrive for your heat so we can finish with the pool as soon as possible.

Plan to arrive 30 minutes before your heat (15 minutes for those in the first heat) to allow time to check in and sign the Release Agreement (Parents need to sign the Release for kids under 18).

Please note that the transition from swimming to biking will happen outside of the pool (leaving the pool area free for swimmers of the next heat to get ready). Bikes should be parked along the sidewalk area; after your swim is complete you will leave the swimming pool area to dry and start the bike along the sidewalk.

Heat 1
Start Time: 6:30am
Lane Name
1 Bishop Johnson
Bill Wettengel
Rebecca Richardson

2 Bruce Richardson
Ginny Richardson
Rebecca Quist

3 John Ziebarth
MariLee Ziebarth
Melissa Richardson

4 Allyson Huffmire
Katelyn Huffmire
Curt Huffmire

5 Alexandra Arnold
Logan Hafen
Emilie Hafen

6 Maddy Johnson
Gabby Johnson
Ashley Augustus

7 Sarah Johns
Allyson Johns
Amanda Bell

Heat 2
Start Time: 7:0am
Lane Name
1 Jim Rose
Paul Hafen

2 Steven Knowles
Erin Hudson

3 Adam Bunker
Kristin Bunker
Martha Michael

4 Ellen Michael
Hillary Michael
Dean Michael

5 Doug Shipway
Hanna Shipway
Alyssa Augustus

6 Tony Miller
Cassie Harward
Elizabeth Miller

7 Brad Ward
Jared Baker

Heat 3
Start Time: 7:30am
Lane Name
1 Brett Stewart
Mindy Stewart

2 Amber Pitt
Jillyn Huffmire

3 Simone Costa
Sharie McCraney

4 Julie Merrill
Tori Shintaku

5 Erica Wilker
Barbara Tarayao

6 Shandra Blake
Amber Sim

7 Amber Baltzer
Heidi Peters

Heat 4
Start Time: 7:50-8:00am
Lane Name
1 Beau McCraney
Michael Richardson

2 Mal Richardson

3 Ritchie Blake
Eric Lawrence

4 Andrew Richardson
Fernando Costa

5 Kaz Augustus
Aaron Quist

6 Craig Orgill
Lynn Orgill

7 Tadd Baltzer
Bob Johns

Heat 5
Start Time: 8:10-8:20am
Lane Name
1 Jeff Bradshaw
Morgan Cubete

2 Erin Kendrick
Randy Kendrick

3 Jeff Timmerman
Brett Greathouse

4 Summer Orgill
Gina Orgill

5 John Peters
Aaron Wilcox

6 Kent Howe
Jeff Farr

7 Tyler Bell
Ryan Bell

Kaz Augustus: A Study in the Art of Self-Control.

2008-05-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

As far as competitors go, there are several varieties. The flashy, in-your-face types. The steady warriors, who don't say much as they swiftly pass by you on race day. And then there are the Kaz Augustus's of the world. Similar to the terrifying "East Wind" of Biblical fame, this kind of tri-athlete appears with no warning, decimating all in his path. In an effort to save the egos, the athletic equipment, and possibly the small children of any and all competitors, the FV3 Triathlon Historical Committee has published the following Player Profile on Kazuto Higo Augustus...

Kazuto Higo Augustus, came into this world innocently enough on March 28th, 1971...and then promptly kicked it in the face. A "difficult" child, as described by the Nuns at Sacred Heart Montessori, Kaz seemed intent on leaving his mark on all who dared to cross him. Greta Powalski, a 99 year-old-nun recalls her experience with the extraordinary boy, "We took him in thinking we could do him some good. I mean, he'd already been kicked out of three or four Military Schools, what did we have to lose? That kid just never backed down from a fight, and with a name like 'Kaz' he had his share of playground bullies. I've lived on three different continents, seen drought, plague, and famine...but I've never to this day seen anything like that boy."

With the onset of puberty, Kaz experienced a fresh surge of aggression and was kicked out of Sacred Heart to fend for himself on the long, lonely streets of Nevada. At the tender age of thirteen Kaz discovered that he could profit by his special brand of brutality, when he met Steamy McGee, a promoter in the underground world of Street Fighting. Kaz quickly became known for his lightning reflexes, his ability to fight twenty to thirty opponents at one time, and his dazzling smile. As the money rolled in and his fame grew, he began to give in to the recklessness of youth. He took up dangerous hobbies like sky-diving, bear wrestling, and wearing flashy shirts in the daytime. Before he knew it, his life was spinning out of control.

His trips to the emergency room became more and more frequent. Not for any injuries he had sustained, but to visit fallen opponents and deliver messages like, "When I say 'Stay Down', I mean it." On one such visit, he met a woman whom he later would describe as his "Angel of Mercy". This "Angel", known simply as "Shelly", was reading storybooks to the patients of the Pediatric Ward when Kaz happened by. He was struck by her beauty, as well as her gentle manner. He quickly introduced himself and asked her out, but the beginning of this life-changing relationship was not all bliss.

Shelly summarizes that time period with the following thoughts, "He seemed to have a sweetness about him, just buried very, very, very deep. I liked him a lot, but there were so many disturbing incidents. Like the time we were told that our table had been given away at a very popular restaurant. I just didn't think crushing that man's Adam's apple was helpful, or appropriate."

With Shelly's encouragement, Kaz came to realize that he had a problem. He moved to Northern California to escape his street fighting ties, enrolled himself in therapy, and was asked to try channeling his "emotions" into non-contact sports. Kaz took up Beach Volleyball and found great success on the semi-pro circuit. Most of this success was due to the fact that Kaz could repeatedly spike the ball directly at the opposing team, until they were too bruised, or demoralized to continue. Shelly realized that things were not going well. She dropped him, and he dropped therapy.

These were dark days for Kazuto Augustus. Heartbroken, he didn't leave his apartment for months. Barely sleeping, he survived off of bad take-out, and re-runs of "Who's the Boss?". One afternoon he discovered an injured kitten on his doorstep. "Snowball", as he would later come to call the cat, opened up a tunnel of light for the broken ex-streetfighter, ex-Semi-Pro Beach Volleyball Player, ex-boyfriend of Shelly. As Kaz nursed the kitten back to full strength he realized that it was extremely satisfying to help, rather than destroy. He emerged from his apartment three weeks later as a changed man. He was now a healer. He immediately enrolled himself in Medical School. When asked how it was possible for Kaz to attend their school without any formal education past the age of thirteen, the Dean of said college replied with a stricken look, "Well...he asked...and we said okay. He was extremely persuasive."

Renewed in spirit, Kaz quickly re-connected with Shelly and eventually persuaded her to be his wife. He also determined that Podiatry would be his field of specialty. When asked why, he responded "Maybe to atone for all of the feet I've broken over the years. But maybe also as a constant reminder to myself that feet should be used primarily for walking, running, and jumping. Not for delivering debilitating blows to the head, chest, or groin."

Kaz Augustus is now a happy, mild-mannered husband, father, and Podiatrist. One would never suspect the dark path that has led him here. He admits that he still does battle with his inner demons from time to time, but participating in activities like the FV3 Annual Triathlon have helped him channel his aggression in appropriate ways. He notes, with a smile, "I mean, it's not like you can throw your bike at the other guys, you know? Or at least I've never tried that." To Kaz Augustus, and all who will share the competitive field with him on T-day, our prayers are with you.

Counterfeit Heat Change Requests

2008-05-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Correction to Original Post:
The FV3 Fraud Reporting Unit offers the following statement:

We offer Brett Stewart and his family a sincere apology for the original post. Far from thinking that no self-respecting man would make such a request, we believe that only the most self-respecting man would do so. And we salute Brett for his self-respect.

Original Post:
The FV3 Fraud Reporting Unit offers the following statement:

As T-Day nears, competition's ugly side is coming to light. Recently discovered evidence shows that someone hacked into Brett Stewart's personal email and sent a request for an earlier swim heat.

Luckily we noticed the request was to place him in the Heat #3, or "The Ladies Heat". Knowing that no self-respecting man would make such a request, the fraud was discovered and promptly ignored.

Bob Johns: The Two-Syllabic Mountain

2008-05-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

Standing front and center in this year's expected winners is Bob Johns: last year's men's co-winner. The FV3 Triathlon Historical Committee has published the following Player Profile on Bob...

Born in an urban desert and raised in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, Bob Johns' style combines southern California glamor with Utah's subdued intensity. Bob often states that he is, "a portion of all I have met" and that it just so happens that he's met a lot of incredibly talented and attractive people.

Our story begins in a Sandy, UT with a shy boy and a project for Mr. Klell's history class. He learned about Teddy Roosevelt, the sickly boy who grew into a rough rider and an American President. The light of life shone brighter and Bob decided then and there that things were going to change. No longer would he be his sister's hair and makeup "dummy", no matter what they did to him. In fact, he vowed to someday lose all his hair rather than sit through another perm.

He convinced 7 close friends to leave a mark on the world with the nation's first High School octfecta: State Championships in Swimming, Cycling, Track, Football, Basketball, Baseball, Golf, Rugby and Wrestling. There were no "Gold Gym's" in those days so they tied a rope to an old piano and pulled it through empty lots.

His dad, who had been watching the struggle for some time, recognized this as Bob's moment. He took Bob to Sconecutter and told him about Teddy Roosevelt's "Man in the Arena"; that it was the pursuit of achievement that gave man life.

The fire was reborn and Bob decided to focus all his efforts on Track & Field, scholastics, and spiritual growth. No more worrying about being something he wasn't, about accomplishing something just for the world to see. It was time to focus.

Track & Field: The years of squat thrusts and piano pulls had made him more comfortable running while pulling large amounts of weight. As UHSAA rules clearly stated that a runner could not pull large objects during competition, Bob was at a disadvantage. Running w/o the extra weight actually caused him to fall over backwards as his legs outran his body. The solution was found with some rebar and a welder. With them, his father fashioned a pair of eye glasses that matched the piano's weight. And Bob, never looking back, won many events and received numerous scholarship offers.

Scholastics: He became a regular on the National Honor Society's school list and was also included in the "Who's Who" of National Highschool Achievers. As the headline from Hillcrest High's Green Sheet shows, Bob balanced books and sports.

Spiritual Growth: After high school Bob submitted his papers to serve a church mission and was called to Japan. He jumped in with both feet and was an outstanding teacher. At least that's the word on the street. Unfortunately, the only photographs of Bob from that time period simply show him striking poses, or dancing around his apartment in strange apparel with Christian Jacobs. When asked about this recently, Christian Jacobs responded, "What's the big deal? Some people actually earn a living jumping around in funny costumes." But Christian did more than help Bob Johns explore a budding interest in performance art, he offered him this piece of invaluable advice. "Bob, go out and live your dream, man. No matter how hard people may laugh at you...And by the way, they may laugh a little less if you lost the crazy glasses."

When Bob "returned with honor", he took Elder Jacobs advice, re-training his body and his mind to run without the "crutch" of his youth. Local colleges and universities took notice and he once again received a number of scholarship offers. The most "lucrative" being to the University of Utah which, due to his moral standards and highly refined mind, he quickly turned down. He decided instead to go to BYU without a scholarship and walk on to the track team. When asked about this decision he replied, "Well I wanted to graduate with a 4-year degree and, to be honest, I grew up thinking the University of Utah was a 2-year school. Besides that, I'd rather run for free at The Y than get paid to do so at 'The U'."

At BYU he walked on to the track team and became a "Harrier". He knew that he had reached the collegiate high life when he got his first pair of warm ups.

Shortly thereafter, he met, and subsequently woo-ed his wife Kristin (who most people will readily admit is way out of his league). It should be noted, however, that when she first saw him, Bob was actually wearing the team warm ups and Kristin only had a view of him from the back. When asked about this, Kristin admitted that although she was initially swayed by the magical powers of the collegiate warm ups, it was Bob's dedication to Track & Field, scholastics, and spiritual growth that really sealed the deal. With Kristin by his side, the possibilities seemed endless, and life was full of wonder. An attitude that Bob continues to adopt

to this day.

And thus, we salute you, Bob Johns. You are one heck of a man, and one heck of a competitor. May your life, and dedication to athletic excellence continue to be an inspiration to us all.

Triathlon Quotables

2008-05-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

Below are a few recent quotes gathered from FV3 Triathlon Participants:

"No, you can't sit on my handle bars"
- Mindy Stewart (to her husband during a FV3 Triathlon "training" session)

"Our dad swims faster than your dad."
- McCraney kids (speaking to the Jacobs children)

"Ya? Well our mom swims faster than your dad."
- Jacobs kids (responding to the McCraney children)

"Daddy, why is mommy swimming with the ruddies instead of coming to the movies with us?"
- Kai Shintaku

"Alfred Tennyson was right... we, as people, are a part of everyone we have met. It just so happens that I've met many, many extremely talented, intelligent and beautiful people."
- Bob Johns (during FV3 Triathlon Player Profile Interview)

The Ruddy Report

2008-05-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

Be it known to one and all...

Maddy Johnson has beaten Bishop Johnson's time in the pool (we expect the same of Gabby, Jessie and Hyrum)
Jillyn Huffmire and Mindy Stewart are long-term members of a spin class
Bob Johns does not plan to wait for Beau this year
Beau McCraney will be so far ahead of Bob this year, Bob won't have a chance to wait
Tori Shintaku's bruised ego and sore hand will be healed in time for T-Day

As more information is gleaned there will be more to come.

2008 Likelihoods

2008-05-05T20:09:00.001-07:00

The FV3 Actuarial Team has published the following items with percentage likelihoods:

Two men will hold hands to cross the finish line as "co-winners"

12.7%

Bob "I could have won alone if i wanted to" Johns will resort to manscaping

13.0%

Shanna "Surf my Wake" Jacobs will win the swim leg

92.4%

Brett "Mammy Loves Short'nin Bread" Stewart's high school swim will return to surprise the leading male competitors

50.4%

Mindy "I Breath, I Win" Stewart will punch a fellow contestant

78.9%

Kaz "Stretchy Pants" Augustus will buy a new bike after losing to bike leg to Ritchie "yes this is a Cervelo" Blake.

83.4%

Team Ruddy will allow Julie Merrill to return after she crushes other Ruddies in the triathlon

31.1%

Tad "Call me Hercules" Baltzer will wear strechy pants

93.4%

Team Richardson will outnumber all other competitors combined

64.7%

Bishop "This is participative, not competitive" Johnson will be defeated by his daughter, Maddy "Ya, I'll probably let him win" Johnson.

98.3%

Kent "Do I have to lose to my Boss?" Howe will lose to his boss.

103.4%

Paul "Plaid is the new Black" Hafen will promote Kent Howe for no apparent reason.

68.0%

Randy "I'll do it myself this year" Kendrick will do it himself.

45.7%

First Leg

2008-04-17T12:29:00.001-07:00

According to the FV3 Triathlon Answers Committee (FV3TAC), the swim should be the easiest part of the race; participants swim knowing that 2/3 of the race is to follow. For those whose swim could use some help we offer the following:

2008 FV3 Triathlon Swim:
30 laps of the Green Valley Pool... 2,250 feet... 750 yards... .43 Miles

The following training routine will get you to a mile swim. Being able to swim a mile will make the FV3 Triathlon swim a nice smooth leg...

ZERO to 1650 in Six Weeks
Young or old, fit or not, six weeks seems to be the most common length of time it takes to be able to swim a mile without stopping for breath. It requires three times per week and the willingness to be somewhat uncomfortable while stretching your aerobic capability. Like a scar forms in response to a wound, as a muscle enlarges to meet new demands, so does our ability to absorb oxygen. If we methodically increase our need, our body kindly responds. The amount of discomfort should be small, but it is necessary to pant a bit at the end of each effort and only partially recover before beginning another. The number of breaths taken before continuing I guarantee will not seem enough. I also promise you'll be surprised that you are able to continue much more easily than you imagined. The feeling of not having adequate rest is necessary to improve.

WEEK one (Three Days):
100 yards...rest for 12 breaths...do 4 times
50 yards...rest for 8 breaths...do 4 times
25 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
total: 700 yards

WEEK two:
200 yards...rest for 12 breaths... do 1 time
100 yards...rest for 10 breaths...do 4 times
50 yards...rest for 6 breaths...do 4 times
25 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
total: 900 yards

WEEK three:
400 yards...rest for 12 breaths...do 1 time
100 yards...rest for 8 breaths...do 4 times
50 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 6 times
25 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
total: 1250 yards

WEEK four:
600 yards...rest for 10 breaths...do 1 time
300 yards...rest for 8 breaths...do 1 time
100 yards...rest for 6 breaths...do 4 times
50 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
total: 1500 yards

WEEK five:
1000 yards...rest for 8 breaths...do 1 time
100 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
50 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 4 times
total: 1600 yards

WEEK six (days 1 and 2):
1200 yards...rest for 6 breaths...do 1 time
200 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 1 time
100 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 1 time
50 yards...rest for 4 breaths...do 3 times

(day 3)
1650 yards straight...do 1 time
total: 1650 yards!

FV3 Triathlon Volunteering

2008-04-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

In 1594 a French woman made a simple decision that would revolutionize the world. She made it after hearing about an event organized by neighbors to test their athletic abilities and physical endurance that she didn't want to participate in. Instead of sleeping in on the day of the event she offered to help. Her name: Voluntaire... The English translation... Volunteer.

We thank those who have signed up to help with the triathlon to date:

Liz Larson
Coanne Cubete
Dee Schonle
Sonia Salvador
La Fuga
Linda Elsner
Emily Greathouse (a race day decision)
Renee Edington
Robin Costello
Promise Costello
Jim Costello
Chad Larson
The Missionaries

Triathlon: A Financial Matter

2008-04-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

For one post we would like to suspend the trivial nature of this blog to draw attention to a serious matter concerning the 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon. It has come to our attention that many participants are putting triathlon purchases before living essentials. Reports have varied from trading a car for a "wicked sweet" tri-bike to changing babies into "rinsed out" pampers to save for new stretchy pants.

The FV3 Triathlon on a Dime (FV3-TOAD) committee has been formed to help participants make good purchasing decisions. Their first official statement has been issued in the form of internet video. To view click here and press play.

New swimsuit could break FV3 Triathlon records

2008-04-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

The following was found by FV3TP Curtis Huffmire...

FOUNTAIN VALLEY, California (AP) -- The Speedo LZR Racer swimsuit is making such a splash in the pool that Bishop Johnson believes every record in the sport could fall at the Second Annual Fountain Valley Memorial Day Triathlon.

Since the suit was unveiled in February, twenty-three triathlon world records have been set. The new Speedo suit has been worn in all but one of the 23 records.

The FV3 Triathlon's world governing body (FV3-TWGB), chaired by Timmy T. "my foot still hurts" Templin, decided last weekend not to ban the new high-tech suit, despite claims of buoyancy and "technological doping" by some critics (Beau "Russian Sub" McCraney).

"I wouldn't be surprised to see every world record broken at the Triathlon, and hopefully I'll get one of those," said Bishop Johnson, one of the most outspoken supporters of the new swimsuit.

NASA and battle star gallactica each had a hand in designing the LZR, and Speedo claims it makes swimmers go two percent faster.

"They say that the suit is rocket science, but the stats are not rocket science," Johnson said. "The proof is in the pool."

Johnson said he will go so far as to recommend that every member of the FV3 Ward wear the Speedo suit during training in April and May -- even if they are sponsored by another company.

"I would strongly advise them to wear the suit during training, or they may end up at home watching on the blog," Johnson said. "Do you go for the money or for the gold? These athletes have been dreaming about winning the FV3 Triathlon for more than a year now and nobody can afford to give up two percent."

Four prominent members of the ward are sponsored by Nike -- Kaz "I don't need no stinkin' swimsuit" Augustus, Mindy "I train upstream at the River" Stewart, Ritchie "sign me up for another" Blake and Jeff "why train?" Farr.

The Richardson and McCraney Clans wear "Arena" and teams Bell and Kendrick use "Mizuno" swimwear.

The Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon Equipment Review Committee (FV3-TERC), chaired by Jen "I'm putting Paul in a Speedo" Hafen, met with the other swimsuit manufacturers on Saturday, and there are no plans to ban the LZR. According to Hafen, "the other companies are clearly behind."

"I feel very sorry for them," Hafen said. "Get with it."

Bob "really, I'm not racing again" Johns -- the new head coach for McCraneys -- has said wearing the LZR amounts to "technological doping."

Beau "Russian Sub" McCraney, who has won 17 medals and was a co-champion in First Annual FV3 Triathlon, said something needs to be changed "right away."

"It's not a matter of technology," McCraney said. "The matter is one suit has much more flotation. If I were to go out there in a scuba suit it wouldn't be fair either. There's something not right about it.

"It has to be fair for everyone."

McCraney is using a new Arena suit that was supposed to compete with the LZR, but he said it hasn't changed much.

"I have the new one, but it's just lighter than the old one," McCraney said.

Ginny "watch your back" Richardson, another prominent competitor wearing Arena, agreed.

"We're at a big disadvantage," she said. "I think we all need to have the same (type of) suit at the Triathlon, and Arena is working on it. But they've got to hurry. We're behind."

In an open letter published in Friday's editions of the Fountain Valley View, Bruce "the pen is mightier" Richardson called for "urgent" action due to the "firestorm of publicly expressed concern" over the new suits.

Richardson said the sport faces an "irrecoverable loss of credibility, just a few months before the Triathlon."

"As a consequence, a reliable and transparent analysis of these materials, as well as a careful assessment of approval procedures, is urgent," Richardson wrote. "Such action is in the supreme interest of the sport."

The letter was dated the day before FV3TERC issued a statement saying it will not ban the suits because there is no scientific evidence supporting claims of buoyancy.

Speedo is a top sponsor of FedEx's olympic and triathlon athletes and Bishop Johnson made his comments while wearing a polo shirt emblazoned with Speedo's logo.

"I'm not saying this just because they pay part of my salary," Johnson said. "I'm all about performance and I believe in the product."

Madeline "Dad hooked me up" Johnson used the LZR to set a world record in the "keep the ball away from the old guys" tournament on Saturday at the Greenbrook pool.

"It's definitely good for the sport but the bottom line is you still have to swim hard," Madeline said. "All suits for me are mental."

Good luck to all participants!

2008 Triathlon Legs

2008-04-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

The 2008 FV3 Triathlon will follow the following schedule:

Swim: 30 Lengths (.43 Miles)
Multiple Heats at Green Valley swimming pool (off of Slater between Euclid and Brookhurst). The first heat will start at 7:00 am with subsequent heats every 20-30 minutes.

Bike: 12.2 Miles
Will follow the same course as 2007. Take the River Trail from
Green Valley to PCH (via River Trail)
West on PCH to Newland (R)
North to Trinity River (R)
Drop Bike at Bishop Johnson's house

Run: 3.1 Miles through Greenbrook
See Run map in left column for details.

2007 Triathlon Slideshow

2008-04-01T21:42:00.001-07:00

The Triathlon - Endurance Sport, or Love Story?

2008-04-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

Due to the unusual amount of couple participation this year, we here at the FV3 Triathlon Blog Support Staff Headquarters (FV3TBSSH) decided to take a closer look at this thing called love. Our goal? To determine what it is about the FV3 Triathlon that seems to either unite (or divide) married couples as effectively as any clergyman, trained family counselor, or divorce attorney ever could hope to do.

We began at the beginning, with Newlyweds Kristin (formerly Holmstrom) and new hubby Adam Bunker. When asked to describe their training process, the couple jumped at the chance to mutually praise one another for their outstanding support. Kristin described their pre-morning workout process, which includes a healthy breakfast, a slide-show of former athletic victories, and an inspiring devotional all prepared with love and thoughtfulness by Adam, her eternal companion. Adam responded with ready emotion, and a slight blush, stating that Kristin often places adorable notes in his lunch sack expressing sentiments such as, "Win or lose, you'll always be my Triathlete." Needless to say, these two seem as attached to the FV3 Triathlon as they are to each other.

Moving on to more "seasoned" competitors, we managed to catch Jillyn Huffmire as she rushed out the door for her early morning run. When asked how she thought her husband Curtis Huffmire might perform this year, she seemed startled and replied, "Curt's doing the Triathlon again? Wow...Is there a spirit award, or something?" Next, we approached the home of Paul and Jen Hafen, only to be informed (rather rudely) that the Hafens training sessions were "closed" to outsiders, that they did not wish to be interviewed for this blog, and that the only "couple" crossing the finish line first this year would be themselves. When pressed further, they did declare that yes, there would still be hand-holding when said first place winners crossed said finish line because Jen thought, "That was so sweet last year, wasn't it?" Unfortunately, this was the last bit of information obtained by our team before the door was slammed shut in our faces. We received a much warmer reception at the Johnsons home, where we were told that Angela would NOT be competing against her husband on the open field of battle this year, nor does she have any plans to do so in the future. When asked why, she replied, "I stopped competing against that guy when I crushed him in bowling 18 years ago." Fair enough.

At this point, our interest turned to the plight of those who, for whatever reason, are forced to go it alone in their quest for victory in the FV3 Annual Triathlon. Tori Shintaku kept a steely countenance when pressed about her husband's seeming lack of spousal support, "All I need from Tosh is his road bike, and his silence." After this statement was made, we could hear loud laughter from the direction of the Shintaku's garage, and noted that Tori's left eye began to twitch. We came to the conclusion that training alone has its definite downside. To Tori, and all her kind, we salute you. As for other "Triath-a-loners", like Kaz Augustus, their situation does not necessarily indicate a disinterest on the part of their loved ones. When asked why Shelley has chosen once again to forgo competing in this year's Triathlon, she replied, "When would I have time to make the 'Team Augustus' t-shirts? Or write the victory speech? Who's going to strategically place the children along the race route to trash talk the competitors?" Who, indeed. Kaz Augustus, you are a lucky, lucky man.

For one final look at love in this season of Triathlon competition we turned to Liz and Chad Larson, who have both chosen NOT to compete in this year's event. Liz explained the decision with the following statement, "Triathlons take a special mixture of patience, dedication, endurance, and commitment...we're just not into that." Chad quickly added, "Yeah, and that's what makes this marriage work."

After this exchange, we thought it appropriate to turn to the Richardsons (which is what we typically do when we're confused) to ask for their thoughts on marriage and triathlon training in general. Bruce Richardson offered up one of the sagest pieces of advice yet heard in regards to the matter. He said, "About two weeks before the event, I make it a rule not to eat anything my wife places in front of me unless I've watched her prepare it from start to finish. That woman is a fierce competitor, nothing, and I mean nothing is beneath her...I ask my children who have chosen to participate to follow my example, and watch their backs." To the Richardson clan, and all other FV3 Annual Triathlon competitors, our prayers are with you.

2008 T-Shirt Design

2008-03-26T23:56:00.000-07:00

All participants in the 2008 FV3 Triathlon will be receiving a t-shirt for their participation (with a small fee to cover the cost).

Following the urging of Triathlon Participant, Michael Richardson, the Triathlon Design Committee (FV3-TDC) is excited to announce a T-Shirt design contest! It is open to everyone with time and interest in the t-shirt design.

The winner will:

Have his/her design used on this years t-shirts
Have a picture taken with this years winner (or participant of his/her choosing)
Be given a prestigious design contract Crash Co Design

All designs should be submitted to Paul and Jen Hafen by May 10, 2008.

Noticeably Absent

2008-03-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

Noticeably absent from the 2008 FV3 Triathlon Signup List are last year’s “co-winners”: Bob “Sandbag” John’s and Beau “Soviet Sub” Mc Craney.

But, the FV3 Triathlon Research Committee (FV3-TRC) has learned that each is following an established training routine:

Bob “Deny it All” Johns spends 45 minutes a day training and 55 minutes a day denying that he is training. He has even gone so far to suggest that he “might” participate but it will be for fun and likely will bike on a “beach cruiser”. Many will remember the same statements were made this time last year, right before the body-shave and co-victory.

Beau “Under the Radar” Mc Craney has been seen in LA Fitness morning, noon and night. Recently the night manager gave him a key and asked that he “lock up” on his way out. Young children now bring body boards to the pool to surf the wave like wake created from his swim. His wife has started training for the triathlon in order to get time with him.

Will the brotherly love continue? Will the Soviet Sub be able to get a big enough lead to hold off the expected "6 minute miles" from Sandbag? Only time will tell.

Triathlon Awards

2008-03-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

Due to a large number of requests that "Everyone win something", the FV3 Triathlon Awards Committee (FV3-TAC) has released the following statement...

The 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon will include winners in the following categories:

Best Overall Time: The person with the lowest combined times of swimming, biking and running

Expected Male Winner: Bob "The Sandbag" Johns
Expected Female Winner: Mindy "Call me Bruce" Stewart or Elizabeth Miller
Dark Horse: Ritchie "Yes, this is a Cervelo" Blake / Jillyn "Mindy Who?" Huffmire

Best Overall Team Time: The team with the lowest combined times of swimming, biking and running

Expected Winner: Team Kendrick
Dark Horse: The Ruddies

Best Swim Time: The person with the fastest swim time

Expected Male Winner: Beau "The Soviet Sub" Mc Craney
Exected Female Winner: Shanna "Beau wishes he could swim like this" Jacobs
Dark Whale: Brett "Mammy loves short'nin bread" Stewart

Best Bike Time: The person with the fastest bike time

Expected Male Winner: Kaz "Stretchy Pants" Augustus
Exected Female Winner: Mindy "I run and pull the bike" Stewart
Dark Wheel: Ritchie "Did I mention this is a Cervelo?" Blake

Best Run Time: The person with the fastest run time

Expected Male Winner: Bob "Six Minute Mile" Johns
Exected Female Winner: Mindy "Bob who?" Stewart
Dark Shoe: Jesse "8 foot stride" Walker

Other "Non-Winner" awards include:

Most Improved: The person with the biggest improvement from last year

Expected Winner: Curt "Jillyn's going Down" Huffmire
Dark Horse: Bruce "I'm not waiting for my kids this time" Richardson

Most Unexpected Finisher

Expected Winner: John "Locke'd & Loaded" Ziebarth
Dark Horse: Erica "I had a baby last week" Wilker

Spirit Award: The happiest loser

Expected Winner: Brett "How many laps was that?" Greathouse
Dark Horse: Kent "I don't need to train" Howe

Best Purchase Award: The person who made the best off-season Triathlon Purchase

Expected Winner: Bishop "Technically, I didn't buy it" Johnson
Dark Horse: Michael "Beach Cruiser for my mom" Richardson

Best Coordination Award: The competitor with the best coordinated outfit.

Expected Winner: Jen Hafen
Dark Horse: Paul Hafen
Bonus Award: Jen & Paul Hafen for most coordinated couple.

Red Dolphie Award: The competitor with the brightest red dolphin shorts

Expected Winner: Bishop Johnson
Dark Horse: None

Congrats on Being a Man Winner: The person who wore a speedo in 2007 and didn't in 2008

Expected Winner: Beau Mc Craney
Dark Horse: None

2008 Easy Training Schedule

2008-03-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

Week 1 (April 28-May 4)

Monday and Thursday: Swimming
Begin with a 5-minute continuous warm-up (your choice of stroke). Then swim 10 50-yard laps with 20 to 40 seconds recovery between. The entire workout should be at low intensity. One longer swim (15 50-yard laps with a 5-minute cool down) can be substituted for the first few weeks.
Tuesday and Friday: Running
Ease into running to reduce risk of injury. The objective is not distance, but time (walk if you need to). Run 15 minutes on both days.
Wednesday and Saturday: Bicycling
The objective of your first few weeks of bike training is to build your aerobic base. Workouts are not for distance, but time. Complete a 20-minute easy ride on Thursday and 30-minute easy ride on Sunday.
Take Sunday off

Week 2 (May 5-11)

Monday and Thursday: Swimming
5-minute warm-up. Swim 14 50-yard laps with 20 to 30 seconds recovery between. Low intensity.
Tuesday and Friday: Running
Run or walk 15 minutes on Wednesday and 20 minutes on Saturday.
Wednesday and Saturday: Bicycling
30-minute easy ride on Thursday and 30-minute easy ride on Sunday.
Take Sunday off

Week 3 (May 12-18)

Monday and Thursday: Swimming
5-minute warm-up. Swim 10 75-yard laps with 30 to 40 seconds recovery between. Low intensity.
Tuesday and Friday: Running
Run or walk 20 minutes on both days.
Wednesday and Saturday: Bicycling
30-minute easy ride on Thursday and 40-minute medium intensity ride on Sunday.
Take Sunday off

Week 4 (May 19-25)

Monday and Thursday: Swimming
5-minute warm-up. Swim 12 75-yard laps with 30 to 40 seconds recovery between. Medium intensity.
Tuesday and Friday: Running
Run or walk 20 minutes on Wednesday and 25 minutes Saturday.
Wednesday and Saturday: Bicycling
40-minute easy ride on Thursday and 40-minute medium intensity ride on Sunday.
Take Sunday off

May 26 - Compete

Joke of the Day

2008-03-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

What do you call 3 blonds who race the Bishop around the block?

1st Place Finisher
2nd Place Finisher
3rd Place Finisher

Stewarts Dueling Training Regiments

2008-03-02T21:51:00.000-08:00

Brett Stewart, not wanting to follow in the footsteps of his brother-in-law (the unfortunate Curtis Huffmire) has entered the 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon with one goal only...to defeat his own wife in open competition. To do this, he believes, will take an unconventional approach. An approach that begins with an overpowering swim performance. A swim rarely seen beyond the depths of the great blue sea. A swim like that of his childhood idol, Willie the Operatic Whale.

To see his training routine, click the link below and fast forward to view from 3:30 to 4:20 minutes.

Mindy Stewart, on the other hand, expects to win on her innate athletic ability, killer instinct, and never-say-die mentality. Rather than "wasting" her time swimming, biking and running she focuses on the mental toughness needed to drive a win. Her expectation is to "Bruce Lee" the competition: (the FV3 Tri Bloggers recommend viewing only a portion of the below video as Mindy Stewart is the only person with the constitution to watch it's entirety.)

Two Lives, One Triathlete

2008-03-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

You don't need 20/20 hindsight to see some of the individual benefits from the First Annual FV3 Triathlon. One such example is participant 116, Rico Gubernick.

Receding Hairline
Party Ball
Dodgeball Shorts

Hairline: Regrown.
Party Ball: Gone.
Dodgeball Shorts: Replaced.
Interest from Females: Significant.

Sign Up for the 2008 Triathlon

2008-02-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

Sign up now for the 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon by clicking the "Click to Sign up for the 2008 FV3 Triathlon" link to the left.

The 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon Event

2008-02-16T22:13:00.001-08:00

Like the groundhog's shadow, the return of Bob Johns and Beau McCraney's body hair means the beginning of a new day... That's right, it's time to start training for the 2nd Annual FV3 Triathlon.

Many remember the emotional finish of last years winners. The story has been told and retold in Sunday School lessons across the Stake. How two brothers finished 1st together, hand in hand. Many of those who saw it will never forget the day.

This year will build on the first. The Triathlon is scheduled for Memorial Day (May 26, 2008).

Christmas Eve Surf - 2007

2007-12-30T22:49:00.000-08:00

9/1/2007 Bolsa Chica

2007-09-01T20:45:00.001-07:00

The Offseason

2007-08-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

T-Shirts Available

2007-06-03T20:44:00.001-07:00

Get them before they're gone. If you haven't gotten your FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon t-shirt there are still some available.

Email Brett Greathouse at greathorse2@yahoo.com to get one today.

Race Day Surprises

2007-06-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Much can (and will) be said about the First Annual FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon. The coming days will include commentary from a number of contestants and possibly some individual suggestions for next year.

We'll start with the top 10 Race-Day Surprises:

10. Melissa "Win it or I Will" Blake sitting out for fear of failing the doping test
9. The disqualification of "Best Time" Beau McCraney (banned swimwear)
8. "Too Much Time" Greathouse's lack of preparation and competitive zeal
7. The much-hyped Team Kendrick's slower time than individual racers
6. Bishop Johnson's walking home from the finish line (Achilles intact)
5. Curt Huffmire's civility in letting his wife beat his time
4. President Richardson's crushing win in the 60+ age bracket
3. Kaz "Call me Nacho" Augustus in stretchy pants
2. Bob John's "manscaping": chest, arm, leg, (and back?) shave
1. And the number one surprise, everyone wants to do it again

More to come...

Results

2007-05-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

Overall Winner:

1. Beau McCraney* (1:10:39)
1. Bob Johns (1:10:39)

Women: Juniors

Elizabeth Miller (1:38:00)
Cassie Harward (1:56:20)

Women: Open

Shandra Blake (1:34:37)
Jillyn Huffmire (1:38:59)
Amber Pitt (1:55:22)
Sharie McCraney (1:59:22)
Jen Hafen (1:59:22)
Erica Wilker (1:59:28)
Barbara Tarayoa (1:59:38)

Men: 30 & Under

Jesse Walker (1:21:46)
Andrew Richardson (1:21:47)
Jeff Farr (1:22:42)
Aaron Quist (1:34:56)
Chad Pitt (1:55:27)
Michael Richardson (2:00:12)
Mal Richardson (2:00:12)

Men: 31-40

Beau McCraney* (1:10:39)
Bob Johns (1:10:39)
Kaz Augustus (1:12:08)
Bishop Johnson (1:18:44)
Brett Greathouse (1:26:08)
Paul Hafen (1:35:58)
Dave Risse (1:41:07)
Curt Huffmire (1:44:04)

Men: 41-60

Roger Harvey (1:18:36)
Mark Holmes (1:21:12)
Jim Templin Sr (1:53:24)

Men: 60+

Bruce Richardson (2:00:11)

Teams:

Team Kendrick (1:12:05)
Team Cubete (1:22:04)
Team Harward (1:24:05)
Team Bell (2:04:05)

*Disqualified for inappropriate swimwear

Start Time

2007-05-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

7:00 am - First Swim Heat
7:30 am - Second Heat

By the Numbers

2007-05-27T19:09:00.001-07:00

We wish to emphasize that the First Annual FV3 Triathlon is participative rather than competitive. There will be place for trash talking (especially concerning Bob John's chicken knees or the Bishop's short leg) or a competitive spirit.

But we thought it might be interesting to run the numbers on the event as if it were competitive. Below are the findings:

Most Likely "Top Five" Finishers:

#5 Team Bell
#4 Team Kendrick
#3 Bob Johns
#2 Beau McCraney
#1 Kristi Monson

Most Likely Injuries:

#5 Torn Achilles (Bishop Johnson)
#4 Visit Bottom of River (Randy Kendrick)
#3 Herniated Disc (Beau McCraney)
#2 Separated Shoulder (Timmy T)
#1 Bruised Ego (Kaz Augustus)

Swimming Location

2007-05-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

As of 4:37 on May 9, the First Annual FV3 Triathlon confirmed a swimming location: the Green Valley swimming pool off of Euclid and Slater. The venue offers an exciting array of 6 lanes filled with between 3 and 5 feet of chlorinated water - truly something for everyone!

Once again, speedos will not be tolerated (Charlie). Other prohibited clothing and accessories includes:

Webbed Gloves (Miss Monson)
Snorkels (Timmy T)
Spiked Footwear (Blur)
Fins (Dolphie)
Two-piece swimsuits (Huff n' Farr)

Thanks to Bishop Johnson and Timmy T for arranging with Green Valley!

Participant Update

2007-04-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

Occasionally the FV3 Triathlon blog receives training updates from contestants. We have found them to be informative and sometimes entertaining. Below is an update on Curt "Floater" Huffmire and his training partner Jeff "Week of Rest" Farr - or better known as Team Huff'n Farr.

Jeff Farr completed his latest actuarial test last Tuesday and decided to take the rest of the week off before beginning training. Of course, I couldn't stand to wait for him any longer, so I waded into Greenbrook pool Saturday night, with the family there to cheer me on. Turns out they were mostly laughing at me. First off, I can't figure out the breathing thing. Each time I turn up to breath I choke on a swig of water that I
inhale. So I started doing the back stroke, until I clobbered an unsuspecting neighbor who strayed into my lane. So using a combination of six strokes (I made up several of my own) I finally completed four laps (~200 m) taking considerably longer than McCraney's rumored time to complete the whole event. To make matters worse, Jillyn hopped in and knocked out the same 200 m with no problem and declared that, rather than team up for the event, she is going solo and plans to make waves. Then Katelyn followed suit and beat my 200 m time by more than a minute. Is there a youth category for this event?

Well, Farr and I are going to get more serious about this - at least for a couple of days - so Farr came by this morning before seminary and we knocked out 8.5 miles with the bikes. You should have seen Farr on Jillyn's girl bike, with his fancy black open fingered gloves and flowered bike helmet. However, it was Farr that set the pace with his GPS tracking system. I am going to convince him to go big and make the Costco bike purchase. Tomorrow its back in the pool for training Day 2 (Huff N' Farr Style) (just as soon as they round up all the alleged "floaters" and decontaminate the pool - absolutely no connection to any Huffmire kids.)

We congratulate Team Huff'n Farr on their progress towards completing their first triathlon! We speak for the entire FV3 Triathlon community when we say, "we look forward to dodging you on race day."

[Beau Mc Craney adds, "Curt, breath out when your face is under water and breath in when you're face is out of water. It will limit the amount of water that gets into your mouth."]

Truth or Rumor v2

2007-04-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

It has been some time since the last posting of truth or rumors. Since that time we have employed the same tactics to gather additional truths and rumors. We thank those family members, especially the children, who have helped gather this information. Please note that the FV3 Triathlon Truth & Rumor Committee makes no guarantee of validity.

-----------------------------------------------

Team Blake Cadence

Neighbors have noted the following cadence being used in early morning running sessions:

Melissa: What are we called?
Ritchie: Mighty, Strong Triathletes!
Melissa: What do we do?
Ritchie: Bring on the Ouch!
Melissa: Who feels the ouch?
Ritchie: Weak competition!
Melissa: I need some names, who feels the ouch?
Ritchie: Dolphin Shorts Johnson, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Dolphie feels the ouch, give me another.
Ritchie: Sinking Sub Mc Craney, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Sinker feels the ouch, give me another.
Ritchie: Timid Timmy Templin, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Timi-T feels the ouch, give me another...

And it goes on. Other names included in the cadence are: "Can't Run" Farr, Curt "Puffmire", "Crash & Burn" Larson, and others from the Relief Society.

[editor's note: it's getting ugly]

-----------------------------------------------

Jones' Playlist

Kay Jones previously compiled a "super charged" playlist to "turbo boost" Matt's workouts. After weeks of using the playlist the songs began losing their ability to inspire; Matt's mile pace dropped to 8:14 minute miles from 6:43. Noticing the drop in performance, Kay made music-videos of herself performing the super charged songs and put them on a video iPod for his workouts.

Now when Matt needs motivation he jogs in place (or leans against a light post) and watches. The videos include:

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
The Final Countdown by Europe
Pump up the Jam by Technotronic
Poison by BBD (Bel Biv Devoe)
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Fleetwood Mac (signing version)

After removing the video time from his pace, Matt is now running at 7:15 mile.

-----------------------------------------------

Skinny Man Award

Competitive spirits Rico Gubernick and Kaz Augustus refuse to go home without some hardware. Their hopes were somewhat dashed by the Blakes training route (running 2 laps around both the Gubernick and Augustus blocks). They have since heard of an auxiliary "Skinny Man" award going to the person who loses the most weight from training.

-----------------------------------------------

Kristy Monson, The first full-race female contestant, was seen purchasing "transparent webbed gloves" at Jack's Swimming Supplies. Upon questioning, she insisted they are "for a friend's science project" and "don't even fit me". [emphasis hers]

By the Numbers

2007-04-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

Our two resident actuarials, John Damitz & Jeff Farr thought it would be fun to run some numbers on how likely different triathlon scenarios will be. Below are their findings…

We have created a FV3 Triathlon proprietary piece of software. Its purpose is to include all race parameters and output the likelihood of potential race scenarios. The race parameters include:
- Race distances
- Physical strengths/weaknesses of each participant
- Character strength/weaknesses of each participant
- Competitiveness index for each participant
- Likely support available for each participant

The “Likelihood” is defined as follows:

50% represents the demarcation line: values above 50% translate to “Yes” with 100% being “Absolutely Yes”. Values below 50% translate into “No” with 0% being “Absolutely Not”.

The first list includes general questions on the overall race:

Scenario Likelihood
All participants will finish the race 93.4%
All High Priest participants will finish the race 99.9%
All Relief Society participants will finish the race 99.9%
All Elders Quorum participants will finish the race 72.8%

The second list includes questions on more specific scenarios:

Scenario Likelihood
Beau McCraney will win the swimming portion of the race (**note this question was asked before adding Christy Monson as a participant) 94%
Curt Huffmire will complete the race 47%
Assuming Jillyn Huffmire spend ½ the time she currently puts towards the Triathlon Wives Support group, Curt Huffire will complete the race 95%
Paul Hafen’s clothing and accessories will be the most color-coordinated 97%
Charlie South will cause a delay to the start of the race by refusing to change out of a speedo. 88%
Bishop Rick Johnson will "lose count" of his laps in the pool and finish early. 62%

As the software is configured to the Triathlon it will support all race scenarios. If you would like to see the likelihood for a scenario of your own feel free to leave it as a Comment and we’ll run it through.

John & Jeff

Player Profile

2007-04-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

A successful man once paid homage to his family, friends and acquaintances by saying, "I am a part of all I have met." The FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon will be a part of all those who participate. Each brings his or her own history into one composite to create a narrative that's bigger than each but incomplete without all.

From time to time we will explore the history of participants to document the narrative of what will be the best FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon to date.

Ritchie "Good Guys Finish First" Blake was born and raised in rural southern Utah. He learned his first lessons from a mother and father who taught all their children the value of preparing for life, and specifically future athletic endeavors. He remembers being told, "one day there could be a sport that combines swimming, biking and running. You must start preparing now." He spent that day in the family pool and began looking for an education and career that would keep him close to water.

His father grew concerned during his formative Elementary Days, when Ritchie began replacing his daily swims/bike/run workouts with song and dance. His mother, not wanting to quash his creative spirit, rented a "Conductor" outfit each Thursday morning after dad went to the office. Ritchie insisted on the same outfit for years and credits it with keeping his frame small enough to wrestle in the 97 lb. category in high school. It's a little-known family secret that his favorite movie to this day is "Music Man". His father still shakes his head when he hears Ritchie refer to his wife, Melissa, in a sing-songy fashion as "Marianne the Librarian."

Ritchie was the proverbial "late bloomer". He entered high school as a "scrawny boy in a conductor outfit." (which may have been the root of Freshman self-esteem issues - but that's neither here nor there).

That freshman year another "Marianne the Librarian" came into his life. She was a friendly girl who, as the story goes, politely told him one Thursday, "enough with the conductor outfit - stop wearing it to school and more people will like you." He ran to the boys locker, tore it off, and put on the only thing he could find. His wrestling career was born and he got back to his dad's training recommendations.

From high school he entered the Merchant Marine Academy to allow him to focus on the swimming portion of his dad's regimen. To his delight he was also allowed to run until his legs wouldn't move any more in "basic training". While at the MMA he developed into the swimmer his dad always knew he could be. He also met and married the Melissa "You better win it or I will" Blake.

Today Ritchie spends his days sleeping and nights at the docks. He's become the race's "Dark Horse" with his under-the-radar training. This past week he swam to and from work twice, ran it once, and biked twice. It won't surprise anyone in the know if Ritchie comes in as a podium finisher and proves that Good Guys really can finish first.

A Note of Warning from the TWC

2007-04-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

The Triathlon Wives Club has asked us to post the following…

As the wives of FV3 Triathlon participants, it is our sincere desire to eliminate doping from the First Annual FV3 Triathlon. We know of no specific cases of participants using performance enhancing drugs but we have our suspicions [emphasis added]. No wife wants to admit that her husband is a doper but we must be honest with ourselves. In this light we offer the following:

Wikipedia includes a number of both physiological and anatomical changes as “Possible Unwanted Effects of Steroid Use”. These include increased blood pressure, hardening of heart ventricles, development of unwanted bodily features, increased risk of certain cancers, premature balding, and others.

After watching our husbands over the last few weeks we wish to focus on a lesser known condition as a tell-tell sign of doping: Roid Rage.

Roid Rage can be defined as “excessive and unwarranted aggression” or “excessive response to life’s common occurrences”. Some examples include hearing the following phrases from your husband:

“I don’t care if Bubba’s only 2, I’M HUNGRY NOW!”
“I know Jake just had his tonsils out, BUT HE’S SLEEPING ON MY BED!”

Another sign is excessive brow sweat or extended looks of consternation (usually with protruded veins in neck or over the temples). For example, do you see this after asking him to pass the salt:

Lastly, watch for newly punched holes in drywall or side car windows.

We hope this is helpful, we will make additional posts as they become necessary

Triathlon Wives Club Presidency (Jillyn, Elaine, Carrie)

On a brighter note, we welcome our newest members: Shelly, Sharie, Kristen. We’ll be having a “Support your Husband” rally this Thursday night. Have your husband watch the kids and come support him at Fountain Valley Disco Skate Night.

Wettengels are In

2007-04-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

Bill & Joanne Wettengel recently arrived home from a mission to Nauvoo, IL. Their second order of business (the first being to verify that all Disney dolls are properly stacked) was to sign Bill and son, Blake, up for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon.

Training Course Offered

2007-04-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

3 of the leading Fountain Valley First Annual Memorial Day Triathletes are offering a training course that will help bridge the gap between novice and intermediate triathletes. The training will be offered on Saturday, April 21, 2007 from 9am to 4pm in the Continental Courtyard #7. The schedule will be:

Time	Description
9:00-9:30 am	Introductions
9:30 - 12:00 pm	"Shaving against the Grain": A Beginner's guide to smooth legs, arms and armpits.
9:30 - 12:00 pm	Instructor: Beau "I Go Down with the Ship" Mc Craney
12:00 - 1:00 pm	Lunch provided by "Triathlete Wives Club" (formerly "WFAFV3WMDT") Lunch Followed by a 800 meter swim through Continental Swimming Pool.
1:00 - 2:30 pm	"The Art of the Run": How to Run Almost as Fast as Me
1:00 - 2:30 pm	Instructor: Bob "Boiling Beneath the Surface" Johns
2:30 - 4:00 pm	"The Money Race": Convincing Your Wife of the Merits of a $1,500 Road Bike You'll Never Use Again.
2:30 - 4:00 pm	Instructor: Bishop Rick "Don't mind Buying Victory" Johnson
4:00 pm	Group Holler and Goodbyes.

Spousal Support

2007-04-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

As all involved in the First Annual FV3WMDT know, winning is a team effort. This post examines the team element of each runner: what are his motivations, where does he channel these motivations and what is his wife saying in her journal or diary?

We thank the children and baby sitters who supplied content from physical journals and Paul Hafen whose expertise made possible accessing digital journals and diaries. What you'll find below is actual, unedited entries....

April 2, 2007
Dear Progeny: Your father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great grandfather has started training for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon. He is a pillar of strength - I hope his genetics are passed to you all. Nothing less than his victory and the others humiliating defeat will satisfy his internal drive for greatness.

When the history books are written of this man they will include May 28, 2007 as the moment the world began to know what he is capable of.

-- Your loving mother, grandmother, great grandmother and great great grandmother Kay Jones

April 1, 2007
Dear Diary, He’s going to do the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon! I’m so excited! I’ve wanted to get him those sweats that match the kids and mine and this is the perfect opportunity. I’ve set out his training clothes for tomorrow. I’m starting him in black shorts with a white top – a contrast that I know won’t be lost on him. The kids pre-filled his iPod with the sounds of crashing waves and excerpts of me reading from Hugh Nibley. (If I had known sooner I could have gotten a black and white skin for the iPod but he’ll have to make due with the all black.) I got him a Garmin GPS and downloaded a course that will keep him mostly on grass. It’s a bit bulky so I might end up running the course first and recording when to make turns and then adding this into the soundtrack. I love my Mac!

-- Your’s Truly, Jen Hafen

April 5, 2007
Dear Diary,
I decided to write this entry in Volume 7 rather than Volume 3 because it includes information on a Triathlon. I know that Volume 7 is supposed to be for team sports and a Triathlon is really an individual sport but he is feeling a real sense of comradery with the other men who are training for the Triathlon so I’m putting it here. I just hope I can remember where it is. On that note I’ve started an index to make finding his sports injuries easier. I’ve been at it for the last couple weeks and am about half way done. I guess being able to water ski doesn’t translate into athletic coordination.

Anyway, I guess he’s going to do it. I figure we’ll be buying a new bike before too long. He’s had those biking shorts for 3 years now and this will give him a legitimate reason to wear them outside the house. I support him – it keeps him busy and heck, what else does he have going on these days?

-- Angela Johnson

Rule Change

2007-04-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

Due to the support for Charlie to wear a speedo (both in comments and in the poll) the Rules Committee has re-examined the "No Speedo" rule. Be it announced ... Participants wishing to wear a speedo may, if the following conditions are met:

First, the participant makes a formal request to the Rules Committee. The request document includes:

Full Name
Accurate Height
Accurate Weight
A paragraph (500 words or less) on why you should be allowed to participate in a speedo
A current photo in the speedo

Second, pass the FV3WMDT Public Decency test. This test is meant to be objective, no participant will be shown favor over any other. To complete the test do the following:

Arrive at Greenbrook Swimming Pool with your spouse during "Swim Team"
Change into speedo in the Changing Room
With your spouse, walk hand in hand from changing room to pool side
Leave your spouse at the pool side and walk around pool and return to your spouse
Walk, hand in hand, to the Changing Room and cover yourself

The request is approved if 4 of the 5 question are answered in the affirmative:

Did 1 member of the 10-man Rules Committee approve the request?
Did less than 3 mothers present vomit?
Did less than 1/2 children at the pool run in horror?
Did the screams of children running from the pool remain below 140 decibels?
Did the spouse remain present after participant circled the pool?

Brian Vea and Andrew Boyack (neither of whom plan to make a speedo request) have offered their filming and photography services for test validation. We look forward to handling these requests.

A Reason for Hope

2007-04-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

To date the biggest fear of all FV3WMDT contestants has been Bob John's "4 Minute Mile". Through further research we have learned there may not be much to fear.

Upon receipt of the "4 Minute Mile" tape we found that the location of the event was the University of Utah. As is usual, the track meet was adminstered by UoU graduates. Bob did win the race with a time of 3:57 BUT the race was stopped after 3 laps. After contacting the BYU track department we learned that this is not an unusual occurrance at the U0U. In fact, it happens so often that the NCAA has stopped accepting "records" coming from UoU track athletes.

Adjusting his time for 4 laps brings him in at a 5:16 mile or, as described by another contestant, "horse & buggy" speed.

Family Support

2007-04-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

We are now 3 days into the Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Memorial Day Triathlon training and already strains appear. (This post is in no way meant to cast a light on any single person or family - especially not on Emily Greathouse.) Here are 3 suggestions on how to win back the support of your significant other:

After your morning workout, prepare a cup of hot chocolate. Before serving drop 15-20 semi-sweet chocolate chips in and stir. Top with whipped cream and serve. Tell her there's a cup for her every morning you work out. [add emphasis]
After your mid-day workout, give her a child-sized bowl filled with 20-25 semi-sweet chocolate chips. Tell her there's a child-sized bowl of chocolate chips for her every day you work out. [add emphasis]
After your nightly workout, give her large cereal bowl full of semi-sweet chocolate chips and put in an old movie ("Father Goose" is a good choice) and put the kids to sleep. Tell her there's a cereal bowl filled with chocolate chips, sleeping kids and an old movie for her to watch every night you work out. [add emphasis]

While it is not guaranteed to work for all wives we can say it definitely works for one. Good luck and train on.

Support Group Started!

2007-04-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

A support group named "A Support Group for Like-Minded Wives of Those Training for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Memorial Day Triathlon" or SGLMWTTFAFV3WMDT has been founded. It's founder, Jillyn Huffmire, describes the founding of the group as "a labor of love" and "something we all feel passionately about". To date the group has 3 charter members: Jillyn, Carrie Farr and Elaine Miller.

It's purpose is to create favorable environments for their husbands to effectively train for the event. What a great example! We encourage everyone to support this group. They meet 5 days a week from 7pm-10pm (or "bedtime" as described by Jillyn) at varying locations. When asked who cares for the children during this time Jillyn answered "our husbands." When pressed for an explanation on how exactly this helps their husbands train we were curtly dismissed and told, "These meetings are closed to outsiders." [emphasis added]

We appreciate the example of these wives in supporting the FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon. If you have other inspirational stories such as this please direct our staff and we'll track it down.

Triathlon Alert

2007-04-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

Out of respect for basic human decency speedo's are not, we repeat, are not allowed. They give an unfair advantage to those without basic human decency.

This alert is directed to no particular person (Charlie).

Get Ready for the Swim

2007-04-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

Truth or Rumor v1

2007-03-31T22:49:00.000-07:00

This section includes current rumors concerning the race. Our job is not to judge the authenticity but to report the rumor. We claim no direct knowledge and are making no assertions.

#1 Bishop and Angela Johnson were spotted at Winco in different sections. Bishop was perusing transparent flippers and bodysuits while Angela was heard asking a worker which dolly was "the most comfortable." [emphasis added]

#2 Bob Johns's 3/28 journal entry included the following: "I'm very excited about the Fountain Valley 3rd Ward's First Annual Triathlon. It appears to be the perfect venue to display my athletic dominance. Of course I will follow the same course I've used since winning Kristen's heart: under promise & over deliver [emphasis his]. Just today I told 3 people I wasn't going to train at all. Of course I smelt of chlorine as we talked - they didn't seem to pick up on it."

#3 Matt Jones' hair stylist has confirmed that he's scheduled an appointment 2 days before the race. When asked about her thoughts on the timing of the appointment she said, "He's never asked for a buzz before, I don't know what to think." [emphasis added]

#4 Curt Huffmire's mailbox on 3/31 contained a response from The Lance Armstrong Foundation. When held up to a bright light the words, "Despite the number of LiveStrong wristbands you've offered to purchase the policy remains the same: Lance doesn't do body doubles." [emphasis added]

As new rumors or bits of information are discovered they will be posted.

The Participants (3/30)

2007-03-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

Many people are asking, "Who's In?" and "Who's Out?" of the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Memorial Day Triathlon. Below is the current list to date. With the official training schedule starting on 4/2 the fence sitters will be deciding soon.

Confirmed Participants	Strength	Weakness
Beau "Don't Mess with Texas" McCraney	Rip currents	Headwinds
Bishop Rick "Dolphin Shorts" Johnson	Personal Inspiration	Personal Perspiration
Bob "The Blur" Johns	Lung Capacity	Treading water
Brett "Too Much Time" Greathouse	Equipment	Motivation
Bruce "The Punisher" Richardson	Physical Dominance	Small Vocabulary
Charlie "'Sup Bra" South	Streamlined Physique	Swimming Attire
Curtis "Winning is Breathing" Huffmire	Heart	Lungs
Jimmy "Life, Liberty and First Place" Templin	Desire	Preparation
John "5th Grade Conquest" Ziebarth	Preparation	Desire
Jeff "I Run and Bike" Farr	Steely Convictions	Week Legs
John "Silent Thunder" Damitz	Under Promising	Under Delivering
Kaz "Diagnose Me Winning" Augustus	Course Management	Course Coverage
Matt "Big Talk" Jones	Power Lifting	Triathlons
Michael "Hey Neighbor" Richardson	Cheerful Countenance	Compassion
Ritchie "Good Guys Finish First" Blake	Conditioning	Attitude
Zach "Podium Finisher" Eastman	Head Games	Opponent Selection

Considering Participants	Strength	Weakness
Andrew "Picture First Place" Boyack	TBD	TBD
BJ "Hold me Back" Crabtree	TBD	TBD
Brad "1099" Hanson	TBD	TBD
Brian "Find a Way" Vea	TBD	TBD
Bruce "Brite Smile" Miller	TBD	TBD
Chad "Crash and Swim" Larson	TBD	TBD
Christian "Average Ordinary Triathlete" Jacobs	TBD	TBD
Darian "Chariot of Fire" Dahl	TBD	TBD
Doug "Spuds Float" Bell	TBD	TBD
Eric "Time Trial" Matson	TBD	TBD
Jesse "Peace through Strength" Walker	TBD	TBD
Jim "I See Lights" Costello	TBD	TBD
Mark "Goofy Foot" Holmes	TBD	TBD
Michael "'84 Oly" Mednick	TBD	TBD
Paul "Secure First" Hafen	TBD	TBD
Rico "Alignment" Gubernick	TBD	TBD
Romney "Talofa" Fuga	TBD	TBD
Scott "Fly Over" Nichols	TBD	TBD
Toshe "Con Carne" Shintaku	TBD	TBD

Non Participants	Strength	Weakness
Randy "Maybe I'll Bike" Kendrick	Resolve	Taking path most travelled
Scott "Salt in your Wound" Merrill	Seeing forest from trees	Taking path most travelled

Ocean vs Pool

2007-03-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

In theory I'd like to swim in the ocean but my two swim workouts to date move me to shallower water. I moved to CA in 1999 and decided to train for a triathlon; after trying to swim from 36th street to 40th street jetties I decided ocean swimming wasn't for me.

Michael Richardson's voted for a pool (preferrably heated) and we could possibly use HB City Gym or Edison High which would put us close enough to PCH for the biking.

Anyone else have preferences?

The Favorites

2007-03-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

The first annual FV3 Memorial Day triathlon is open to all FV3 members (current, past or future). The current list of attendees is the Who's Who of first time triathloners. There's Bishop Rick Johnson with obvious aqua-dynamic strengths, there's Bob Johns whose years since college have not yet tarnished his track speed of old, and there's John Ziebarth whose years of painfully riding a small-seated bike will assuredly pay off.

With that here's a list of early favorites:

Swimming Leg: Beau (his years of water polo will edge the Bishop's years of hair loss)
Biking Leg: John Ziebarth with stiff competition coming from Randy Kendrick (another owner of a functioning bike). If Eric Matson's back lets him ride he will be the one to watch.
Running Leg: Bob who will be pushed by torpedo Tony Miller on the track.
Spirit Award: Chad Larson has shown suprising spirit in the lead up to the event. His biggest challenges look to be coming from Jimmy T and a sister-in-law known for stealing his thunder.

Triathlon Helps

2007-03-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

Active.com is a good resource for information on everything from training to diet. There are a lot of articles to get your mind and body ready. Here's a few:

And much more...

Training Starts on 4/2

2007-03-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

The schedule I emailed out this morning has Memorial Day on 5/21. It's actually on 5/28 so we have one more week to get ready for the workout.

By starting on 4/2 you will finish the workout in time.

Memorial Day Triathlon

2007-03-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

Monday May 28, 2007 will mark the first annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon. We will be completing a "Sprint" triathlon which allows some wiggle room on distances. We expect the distances to be roughly:

Swim: 1/4 - 1/2 Mile
Bike: 12-14 Miles
Run: 2-3 Miles

The course is currently being designed under the direction of our fearless Elder's Quorum leaders and will be published shortly. A map will be provided as soon as possible. Suggestions are welcome.

The first suggestion received is to Swim in Newport Harbor, Bike along the river trails and run around the Greenbrook greenbelt.

For those who don't want to swim, bike and run you can participate by:

Watch bikes while participants swim
Watch bikes when they're dropped off to run
Provide cups of water along the way
Man the starting gate
Man the finish line
Provide medical assistance as needed
Photography

A training regimen is available to anyone who wants it. It's a structured 2 month schedule that will make sure you survive.

Scenario	Likelihood
All participants will finish the race	93.4%
All High Priest participants will finish the race	99.9%
All Relief Society participants will finish the race	99.9%
All Elders Quorum participants will finish the race	72.8%

Scenario	Likelihood
Beau McCraney will win the swimming portion of the race (**note this question was asked before adding Christy Monson as a participant)	94%
Curt Huffmire will complete the race	47%
Assuming Jillyn Huffmire spend ½ the time she currently puts towards the Triathlon Wives Support group, Curt Huffire will complete the race	95%
Paul Hafen’s clothing and accessories will be the most color-coordinated	97%
Charlie South will cause a delay to the start of the race by refusing to change out of a speedo.	88%
Bishop Rick Johnson will "lose count" of his laps in the pool and finish early.	62%