Participant Update

Occasionally the FV3 Triathlon blog receives training updates from contestants. We have found them to be informative and sometimes entertaining. Below is an update on Curt "Floater" Huffmire and his training partner Jeff "Week of Rest" Farr - or better known as Team Huff'n Farr.

Jeff Farr completed his latest actuarial test last Tuesday and decided to take the rest of the week off before beginning training. Of course, I couldn't stand to wait for him any longer, so I waded into Greenbrook pool Saturday night, with the family there to cheer me on. Turns out they were mostly laughing at me. First off, I can't figure out the breathing thing. Each time I turn up to breath I choke on a swig of water that I
inhale. So I started doing the back stroke, until I clobbered an unsuspecting neighbor who strayed into my lane. So using a combination of six strokes (I made up several of my own) I finally completed four laps (~200 m) taking considerably longer than McCraney's rumored time to complete the whole event. To make matters worse, Jillyn hopped in and knocked out the same 200 m with no problem and declared that, rather than team up for the event, she is going solo and plans to make waves. Then Katelyn followed suit and beat my 200 m time by more than a minute. Is there a youth category for this event?

Well, Farr and I are going to get more serious about this - at least for a couple of days - so Farr came by this morning before seminary and we knocked out 8.5 miles with the bikes. You should have seen Farr on Jillyn's girl bike, with his fancy black open fingered gloves and flowered bike helmet. However, it was Farr that set the pace with his GPS tracking system. I am going to convince him to go big and make the Costco bike purchase. Tomorrow its back in the pool for training Day 2 (Huff N' Farr Style) (just as soon as they round up all the alleged "floaters" and decontaminate the pool - absolutely no connection to any Huffmire kids.)

We congratulate Team Huff'n Farr on their progress towards completing their first triathlon! We speak for the entire FV3 Triathlon community when we say, "we look forward to dodging you on race day."

[Beau Mc Craney adds, "Curt, breath out when your face is under water and breath in when you're face is out of water. It will limit the amount of water that gets into your mouth."]

Truth or Rumor v2

It has been some time since the last posting of truth or rumors. Since that time we have employed the same tactics to gather additional truths and rumors. We thank those family members, especially the children, who have helped gather this information. Please note that the FV3 Triathlon Truth & Rumor Committee makes no guarantee of validity.

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Team Blake Cadence

Neighbors have noted the following cadence being used in early morning running sessions:

Melissa: What are we called?
Ritchie: Mighty, Strong Triathletes!
Melissa: What do we do?
Ritchie: Bring on the Ouch!
Melissa: Who feels the ouch?
Ritchie: Weak competition!
Melissa: I need some names, who feels the ouch?
Ritchie: Dolphin Shorts Johnson, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Dolphie feels the ouch, give me another.
Ritchie: Sinking Sub Mc Craney, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Sinker feels the ouch, give me another.
Ritchie: Timid Timmy Templin, he feels the ouch.
Melissa: Timi-T feels the ouch, give me another...

And it goes on. Other names included in the cadence are: "Can't Run" Farr, Curt "Puffmire", "Crash & Burn" Larson, and others from the Relief Society.

[editor's note: it's getting ugly]

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Jones' Playlist

Kay Jones previously compiled a "super charged" playlist to "turbo boost" Matt's workouts. After weeks of using the playlist the songs began losing their ability to inspire; Matt's mile pace dropped to 8:14 minute miles from 6:43. Noticing the drop in performance, Kay made music-videos of herself performing the super charged songs and put them on a video iPod for his workouts.

Now when Matt needs motivation he jogs in place (or leans against a light post) and watches. The videos include:

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
The Final Countdown by Europe
Pump up the Jam by Technotronic
Poison by BBD (Bel Biv Devoe)
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Fleetwood Mac (signing version)

After removing the video time from his pace, Matt is now running at 7:15 mile.

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Skinny Man Award

Competitive spirits Rico Gubernick and Kaz Augustus refuse to go home without some hardware. Their hopes were somewhat dashed by the Blakes training route (running 2 laps around both the Gubernick and Augustus blocks). They have since heard of an auxiliary "Skinny Man" award going to the person who loses the most weight from training.

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Kristy Monson, The first full-race female contestant, was seen purchasing "transparent webbed gloves" at Jack's Swimming Supplies. Upon questioning, she insisted they are "for a friend's science project" and "don't even fit me". [emphasis hers]

By the Numbers

Our two resident actuarials, John Damitz & Jeff Farr thought it would be fun to run some numbers on how likely different triathlon scenarios will be. Below are their findings…

We have created a FV3 Triathlon proprietary piece of software. Its purpose is to include all race parameters and output the likelihood of potential race scenarios. The race parameters include:

- Race distances
- Physical strengths/weaknesses of each participant
- Character strength/weaknesses of each participant
- Competitiveness index for each participant
- Likely support available for each participant

The “Likelihood” is defined as follows:

50% represents the demarcation line: values above 50% translate to “Yes” with 100% being “Absolutely Yes”. Values below 50% translate into “No” with 0% being “Absolutely Not”.

The first list includes general questions on the overall race:

Scenario	Likelihood
All participants will finish the race	93.4%
All High Priest participants will finish the race	99.9%
All Relief Society participants will finish the race	99.9%
All Elders Quorum participants will finish the race	72.8%

The second list includes questions on more specific scenarios:

Scenario	Likelihood
Beau McCraney will win the swimming portion of the race (**note this question was asked before adding Christy Monson as a participant)	94%
Curt Huffmire will complete the race	47%
Assuming Jillyn Huffmire spend ½ the time she currently puts towards the Triathlon Wives Support group, Curt Huffire will complete the race	95%
Paul Hafen’s clothing and accessories will be the most color-coordinated	97%
Charlie South will cause a delay to the start of the race by refusing to change out of a speedo.	88%
Bishop Rick Johnson will "lose count" of his laps in the pool and finish early.	62%

As the software is configured to the Triathlon it will support all race scenarios. If you would like to see the likelihood for a scenario of your own feel free to leave it as a Comment and we’ll run it through.

John & Jeff

Player Profile

A successful man once paid homage to his family, friends and acquaintances by saying, "I am a part of all I have met." The FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon will be a part of all those who participate. Each brings his or her own history into one composite to create a narrative that's bigger than each but incomplete without all.

From time to time we will explore the history of participants to document the narrative of what will be the best FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon to date.

Ritchie "Good Guys Finish First" Blake was born and raised in rural southern Utah. He learned his first lessons from a mother and father who taught all their children the value of preparing for life, and specifically future athletic endeavors. He remembers being told, "one day there could be a sport that combines swimming, biking and running. You must start preparing now." He spent that day in the family pool and began looking for an education and career that would keep him close to water.

His father grew concerned during his formative Elementary Days, when Ritchie began replacing his daily swims/bike/run workouts with song and dance. His mother, not wanting to quash his creative spirit, rented a "Conductor" outfit each Thursday morning after dad went to the office. Ritchie insisted on the same outfit for years and credits it with keeping his frame small enough to wrestle in the 97 lb. category in high school. It's a little-known family secret that his favorite movie to this day is "Music Man". His father still shakes his head when he hears Ritchie refer to his wife, Melissa, in a sing-songy fashion as "Marianne the Librarian."

Ritchie was the proverbial "late bloomer". He entered high school as a "scrawny boy in a conductor outfit." (which may have been the root of Freshman self-esteem issues - but that's neither here nor there).

That freshman year another "Marianne the Librarian" came into his life. She was a friendly girl who, as the story goes, politely told him one Thursday, "enough with the conductor outfit - stop wearing it to school and more people will like you." He ran to the boys locker, tore it off, and put on the only thing he could find. His wrestling career was born and he got back to his dad's training recommendations.

From high school he entered the Merchant Marine Academy to allow him to focus on the swimming portion of his dad's regimen. To his delight he was also allowed to run until his legs wouldn't move any more in "basic training". While at the MMA he developed into the swimmer his dad always knew he could be. He also met and married the Melissa "You better win it or I will" Blake.

Today Ritchie spends his days sleeping and nights at the docks. He's become the race's "Dark Horse" with his under-the-radar training. This past week he swam to and from work twice, ran it once, and biked twice. It won't surprise anyone in the know if Ritchie comes in as a podium finisher and proves that Good Guys really can finish first.

A Note of Warning from the TWC

The Triathlon Wives Club has asked us to post the following…

As the wives of FV3 Triathlon participants, it is our sincere desire to eliminate doping from the First Annual FV3 Triathlon. We know of no specific cases of participants using performance enhancing drugs but we have our suspicions [emphasis added]. No wife wants to admit that her husband is a doper but we must be honest with ourselves. In this light we offer the following:

Wikipedia includes a number of both physiological and anatomical changes as “Possible Unwanted Effects of Steroid Use”. These include increased blood pressure, hardening of heart ventricles, development of unwanted bodily features, increased risk of certain cancers, premature balding, and others.

After watching our husbands over the last few weeks we wish to focus on a lesser known condition as a tell-tell sign of doping: Roid Rage.

Roid Rage can be defined as “excessive and unwarranted aggression” or “excessive response to life’s common occurrences”. Some examples include hearing the following phrases from your husband:

“I don’t care if Bubba’s only 2, I’M HUNGRY NOW!”
“I know Jake just had his tonsils out, BUT HE’S SLEEPING ON MY BED!”

Another sign is excessive brow sweat or extended looks of consternation (usually with protruded veins in neck or over the temples). For example, do you see this after asking him to pass the salt:



Lastly, watch for newly punched holes in drywall or side car windows.

We hope this is helpful, we will make additional posts as they become necessary

Triathlon Wives Club Presidency (Jillyn, Elaine, Carrie)

On a brighter note, we welcome our newest members: Shelly, Sharie, Kristen. We’ll be having a “Support your Husband” rally this Thursday night. Have your husband watch the kids and come support him at Fountain Valley Disco Skate Night.

Wettengels are In

Bill & Joanne Wettengel recently arrived home from a mission to Nauvoo, IL. Their second order of business (the first being to verify that all Disney dolls are properly stacked) was to sign Bill and son, Blake, up for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon.

Training Course Offered

3 of the leading Fountain Valley First Annual Memorial Day Triathletes are offering a training course that will help bridge the gap between novice and intermediate triathletes. The training will be offered on Saturday, April 21, 2007 from 9am to 4pm in the Continental Courtyard #7. The schedule will be:

Time	Description
9:00-9:30 am	Introductions
9:30 - 12:00 pm	"Shaving against the Grain": A Beginner's guide to smooth legs, arms and armpits.
	Instructor: Beau "I Go Down with the Ship" Mc Craney
12:00 - 1:00 pm	Lunch provided by "Triathlete Wives Club" (formerly "WFAFV3WMDT") Lunch Followed by a 800 meter swim through Continental Swimming Pool.
1:00 - 2:30 pm	"The Art of the Run": How to Run Almost as Fast as Me
	Instructor: Bob "Boiling Beneath the Surface" Johns
2:30 - 4:00 pm	"The Money Race": Convincing Your Wife of the Merits of a $1,500 Road Bike You'll Never Use Again.
	Instructor: Bishop Rick "Don't mind Buying Victory" Johnson
4:00 pm	Group Holler and Goodbyes.

Spousal Support

As all involved in the First Annual FV3WMDT know, winning is a team effort. This post examines the team element of each runner: what are his motivations, where does he channel these motivations and what is his wife saying in her journal or diary?

We thank the children and baby sitters who supplied content from physical journals and Paul Hafen whose expertise made possible accessing digital journals and diaries. What you'll find below is actual, unedited entries....


April 2, 2007
Dear Progeny: Your father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great grandfather has started training for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon. He is a pillar of strength - I hope his genetics are passed to you all. Nothing less than his victory and the others humiliating defeat will satisfy his internal drive for greatness.

When the history books are written of this man they will include May 28, 2007 as the moment the world began to know what he is capable of.

-- Your loving mother, grandmother, great grandmother and great great grandmother Kay Jones


April 1, 2007
Dear Diary, He’s going to do the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Triathlon! I’m so excited! I’ve wanted to get him those sweats that match the kids and mine and this is the perfect opportunity. I’ve set out his training clothes for tomorrow. I’m starting him in black shorts with a white top – a contrast that I know won’t be lost on him. The kids pre-filled his iPod with the sounds of crashing waves and excerpts of me reading from Hugh Nibley. (If I had known sooner I could have gotten a black and white skin for the iPod but he’ll have to make due with the all black.) I got him a Garmin GPS and downloaded a course that will keep him mostly on grass. It’s a bit bulky so I might end up running the course first and recording when to make turns and then adding this into the soundtrack. I love my Mac!

-- Your’s Truly, Jen Hafen


April 5, 2007
Dear Diary,
I decided to write this entry in Volume 7 rather than Volume 3 because it includes information on a Triathlon. I know that Volume 7 is supposed to be for team sports and a Triathlon is really an individual sport but he is feeling a real sense of comradery with the other men who are training for the Triathlon so I’m putting it here. I just hope I can remember where it is. On that note I’ve started an index to make finding his sports injuries easier. I’ve been at it for the last couple weeks and am about half way done. I guess being able to water ski doesn’t translate into athletic coordination.

Anyway, I guess he’s going to do it. I figure we’ll be buying a new bike before too long. He’s had those biking shorts for 3 years now and this will give him a legitimate reason to wear them outside the house. I support him – it keeps him busy and heck, what else does he have going on these days?

-- Angela Johnson

Rule Change

Due to the support for Charlie to wear a speedo (both in comments and in the poll) the Rules Committee has re-examined the "No Speedo" rule. Be it announced ... Participants wishing to wear a speedo may, if the following conditions are met:

First, the participant makes a formal request to the Rules Committee. The request document includes:

1. Full Name
2. Accurate Height
3. Accurate Weight
4. A paragraph (500 words or less) on why you should be allowed to participate in a speedo
5. A current photo in the speedo

Second, pass the FV3WMDT Public Decency test. This test is meant to be objective, no participant will be shown favor over any other. To complete the test do the following:

1. Arrive at Greenbrook Swimming Pool with your spouse during "Swim Team"
2. Change into speedo in the Changing Room
3. With your spouse, walk hand in hand from changing room to pool side
4. Leave your spouse at the pool side and walk around pool and return to your spouse
5. Walk, hand in hand, to the Changing Room and cover yourself

The request is approved if 4 of the 5 question are answered in the affirmative:

1. Did 1 member of the 10-man Rules Committee approve the request?
2. Did less than 3 mothers present vomit?
3. Did less than 1/2 children at the pool run in horror?
4. Did the screams of children running from the pool remain below 140 decibels?
5. Did the spouse remain present after participant circled the pool?

Brian Vea and Andrew Boyack (neither of whom plan to make a speedo request) have offered their filming and photography services for test validation. We look forward to handling these requests.

A Reason for Hope

To date the biggest fear of all FV3WMDT contestants has been Bob John's "4 Minute Mile". Through further research we have learned there may not be much to fear.

Upon receipt of the "4 Minute Mile" tape we found that the location of the event was the University of Utah. As is usual, the track meet was adminstered by UoU graduates. Bob did win the race with a time of 3:57 BUT the race was stopped after 3 laps. After contacting the BYU track department we learned that this is not an unusual occurrance at the U0U. In fact, it happens so often that the NCAA has stopped accepting "records" coming from UoU track athletes.

Adjusting his time for 4 laps brings him in at a 5:16 mile or, as described by another contestant, "horse & buggy" speed.

Family Support

We are now 3 days into the Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Memorial Day Triathlon training and already strains appear. (This post is in no way meant to cast a light on any single person or family - especially not on Emily Greathouse.) Here are 3 suggestions on how to win back the support of your significant other:

1. After your morning workout, prepare a cup of hot chocolate. Before serving drop 15-20 semi-sweet chocolate chips in and stir. Top with whipped cream and serve. Tell her there's a cup for her every morning you work out. [add emphasis]
   
2. After your mid-day workout, give her a child-sized bowl filled with 20-25 semi-sweet chocolate chips. Tell her there's a child-sized bowl of chocolate chips for her every day you work out. [add emphasis]
   
3. After your nightly workout, give her large cereal bowl full of semi-sweet chocolate chips and put in an old movie ("Father Goose" is a good choice) and put the kids to sleep. Tell her there's a cereal bowl filled with chocolate chips, sleeping kids and an old movie for her to watch every night you work out. [add emphasis]
   

While it is not guaranteed to work for all wives we can say it definitely works for one. Good luck and train on.

Support Group Started!

A support group named "A Support Group for Like-Minded Wives of Those Training for the First Annual Fountain Valley 3rd Ward Memorial Day Triathlon" or SGLMWTTFAFV3WMDT has been founded. It's founder, Jillyn Huffmire, describes the founding of the group as "a labor of love" and "something we all feel passionately about". To date the group has 3 charter members: Jillyn, Carrie Farr and Elaine Miller.

It's purpose is to create favorable environments for their husbands to effectively train for the event. What a great example! We encourage everyone to support this group. They meet 5 days a week from 7pm-10pm (or "bedtime" as described by Jillyn) at varying locations. When asked who cares for the children during this time Jillyn answered "our husbands." When pressed for an explanation on how exactly this helps their husbands train we were curtly dismissed and told, "These meetings are closed to outsiders." [emphasis added]

We appreciate the example of these wives in supporting the FV3 Memorial Day Triathlon. If you have other inspirational stories such as this please direct our staff and we'll track it down.

Triathlon Alert

Out of respect for basic human decency speedo's are not, we repeat, are not allowed. They give an unfair advantage to those without basic human decency.

This alert is directed to no particular person (Charlie).

Get Ready for the Swim