Alarming Training Regimes Exposed

It has come to our attention that some competitors are not adequately training for the FV3 Annual Triathlon. One such "athlete" is Curtis Huffmire, who began training twelve hours ago for Monday's event. Members of the FV3 Triathlon Health & Safety Squad (FV3TH&SS) met with Curtis Huffmire and were strongly refuted with the following "evidence".

Curtis, a lawyer by trade, produced a photograph of himself at 5 1/2 months of age in a swimming pool with his father (inset right). He claimed this clearly proves that all of the swim training he's ever needed, he obtained in his infancy. Most of the squad members were too shocked by the risque nature of the photograph to put up much of an argument. Although several of our female members found time to note that Curt's father certainly was a "handsome devil".



We were then shown a second photo of Curtis Huffmire as a paper boy for the Register (inset left). Again, Curt's claim is that all of the cycling experience he would ever require was obtained by the time he was a youth. He did not, however, have an explanation for the haircut, or the tight, tight jeans.

Curt then made his closing arguments with the aid of two photographs of himself as a High School athlete (inset below, left and right), claiming that all of the cardiovascular training required for running a 5K, he had obtained by the time he graduated. Some members of the Safety Squad questioned the validity of the Football picture, since the helmet obscures the face, and therefore the true identity of the athlete. But the "Eye of the Tiger" that is clearly evident in Curt's expression in the second photo, along with the fact that he can palm a volleyball, proved very persuasive. As one squad member noted, "It looks like he just ate me for lunch. And he liked it."




Curtis Huffmire then showed us the following picture of himself holding a ski (inset below right). We're still not exactley sure why...

In conclusion, we have determined that although we find Curtis Huffmire's Training Philosophies questionable at best, and "fool-hearty" at worst, he has done nothing to violate the Health & Safety Standards of the FV3 Triathlon Health & Safety Squad, and will be allowed to compete on T-day. It should be duly noted, however, that if Curtis Huffmire attempts to swim in the same "attire" he wore as an infant, he will be immediately disqualified and hastily escorted from the pool area.

To Curtis Huffmire, and all who adopt similar training strategies, good luck...you'll need it.